“a house full of the impenetrable mystery”
“Then, of course, he gets to know this woman’s family and whole circle. Could you not see that the very house she lives in is one that he ought never to have entered? The whole place reeks of that deadly odour. The very gardener, though he has only been there five years, is beginning to acquire it. Even guests, after a week-end visit, carry some of the smell away with them. The dog and the cat are tainted with it. And a house full of the impenetrable mystery. We are certain (it is a matter of first principles) that each member of the family must in some way be making capital out of the others—but we can’t find out how. They guard as jealously as the Enemy Himself the secret of what really lies behind this pretence of disinterested love. The whole house and garden is one vast obscenity. It bears a sickening resemblance to the description one human writer made of Heaven: “the regions where there is only life and therefore all that is not music is silence”.” The Screwtape Letters, CS Lewis
My dad read The Screwtape Letters to my sister and I when we were kids, and I’ve reread it a few times over the years. This letter, in which the devil’s undersecretary describes with horror the new love interest of the human “patient” his junior temptor nephew is responsible for, has always stood out to me. Screwtape’s description of the young woman is dismissive on the surface, but the reader can sense his fear of this woman and her family. What is it about these humans that inspires genuine fear in a powerful demon like Screwtape?
Most of us have crossed paths with a family or two like this. Parents whose love for one another is obvious but not gross. Earnest little kids who are accepted and welcomed by kind older siblings, who happily indulge them in play. I recently visited the home of one such family in our neighborhood, and one of the college aged kids was there. A large party was going on, and I hadn’t met this young woman before, but I immediately knew she was a family member; not by her appearance, but by her air of joy and kindness. Another daughter of the family, a teenager about Kid’s age, greeted me pleasantly and talked about her plans for the summer and the conversation felt like a breath of fresh air. Screwtape would have hated the whole house.
How can Mr. Sense and I foster this kind of atmosphere in our own home? Clearly, these families have welcomed God into their homes. They are committed to loving one another, living peaceably, and cultivating joy. Beyond the obvious spiritual intervention, here are a few surface level observations about these kinds of people. Or perhaps not so surface level?
They have large family networks. These families often include an above average number of children, and they also seem to have extended family living nearby. I imagine having family members closeby is useful for support and accountability. These families have an almost magnetic quality to them, so perhaps that leads to more people moving physically closer to their orbit.
They are focused on education. Families like this seem to live in houses with conspicuous libraries with a wide range of material. There's the ubiquitous Jesus-related selection, but also lots of history and science fiction.
Gratitude is a way of life. The pre-meal blessing is more than a quickly mumbled phrase or two. Everyone says thank you in response to being passed the salt and pepper. The parents express gratitude to their teenager as he clears the table.
Success is respected but not worshiped. These families are full of hard workers, and financial rewards often follow. The parents expect their children to apply themselves in school and career, and are interested and supportive of their interests.
With this in mind, again, the real question is how can we recreate this dynamic in the Sense household?
Proverbs 31 provides some helpful hints for women who want this kind of home:
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her happy;
her husband too, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Proverbs 31:25-29
As I learned from Rachel Held Evans in A Year of Biblical Womanhood, this passage is part of a poem directed towards a male audience, not an admonition for women to work harder and be nicer moms. Proverbs 31 is a celebration of everyday women and a reminder for King Lemuel and others like him to seek out and appreciate spouses with the right goals and values. Proverbs 31 isn’t a prescription for women on how to fix their lives to become better wives, but it offers clues on what a woman running a household that would horrify Screwtape looks like.
As new-ish parents with two teenagers who didn’t have great role models as they navigated early life and the foster care system, I can’t say our home is always the well-oiled machine for glorifying God that I’d hope. Our kids mess up sometimes. We parents sure make mistakes. But I’m hopeful we’ll learn and grow into a family that blesses our community and terrifies demons.
We already own a lot of books, so we’ve got the easy part down.
