Working In Tandem
Proverbs 27:17 tells us that “iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens the wits of another.” I frequently remind Kid Sense that hanging out with a group of college-bound kids will go far towards getting her to college, while a group of smokers in a bathroom will get her stuck working for those college kids one day. This pattern continues throughout our lives. For many adults, the person they end up marrying has an outsize impact on who they become. I count myself fortunate to be married to someone I’m compatible with but who also pushes me to live up to my values.
I haven’t been married long enough to dish out authoritative marriage advice, but fortunately the Bible has a lot to say on the topic. Scripture holds up marriage as a sacred relationship, even metaphorically comparing it to God’s relationship with Israel and Christ’s with the church. Mr. Sense and I view our marriage as a lifelong commitment before God, not a mere legal agreement. All our major choices are made jointly, whether it’s having kids, picking a vacation spot, or planning for retirement.
Our approach to financial management is predicated by our belief that all of our resources belong to God, and that we are committed to managing this responsibility together. Throughout our marriage, I’ve been the primary breadwinner, but that doesn’t mean I’m in charge of our finances. Mr. Sense and I fortunately agree about the benefits of saving and investing, but there are areas where we differ. Compromise is required for people who want to stay married long term, and that’s us! For example, Mr. Sense gamely agrees to an easily accessible emergency fund beyond what most FIRE folks recommend to assuage my peace of mind. And he’s completely talked me around regarding not prepaying our very low rate mortgage.
If you’re married, you can’t aggressively pursue financial independence without buy-in from your spouse. If he isn’t on board with making the necessary changes to get there within a few years, it’s better to find a middle road. A few extra years in the office is a small price to pay for marital harmony. Plus, divorce is notoriously bad for personal finance and often preceded by lots of arguing about money.
I bear responsibility for my own actions, but I rely on Mr. Sense to remind me of our shared values and goals. Instead of getting annoyed when he lovingly suggests that I skip an unnecessary indulgence, I try to practice gratitude; he just saved me some money! I’m closer to being financially independent now! We don’t grill each other on each expenditure, but tracking our spending on a shared spreadsheet forces us to be accountable.
Families and friendships are gifts from God that can help us understand the depth of God’s love. Marriage is designed to be an earthly reflection of the passion and commitment God has for us, which we are free to accept or reject. Working together with your spouse to create something beautiful, whether it’s a fancy meal, a bunch of kids, or a secure retirement, shows us what’s possible when we give up some control and deal honestly and lovingly with one another. We can expect even more when we apply this attitude reverently to our relationship with God.
